Listen Back

The whole point of me recording right now

Is to hold myself accountable for the feelings I still feel

I thought it was over, thought I was moving forward

But I guess that's why I have this, to show me what's real

The perils of keepings your ex-wife's phone in your possession

You're only really saying you've put the past to rest

It is all too easy to feed your old obsession

You wanna prove you're moved on, let's put it to the test

So I turn on my speakers, plug them in to the jack

But I wasn't prepared for how it'd feel to listen back

It was a painful little listen back

I had a little listen back

My first and last listen back

And I heard you cry

And I heard 3 minutes of unfiltered honesty

I realized I still love you

Tonight I heard 3 distant voices

A trio of myself saying goodbye

I turned over in bed, torn apart by past choices

Time to check the record, the record wouldn't lie

So I slipped out of bed, made myself a small snack

And I put on my headphones and had another listen back

It was a painful little listen back

I had a little listen back

That was my last listen back

And I heard us fight, but I was a coward

And I ran away again, that wasn't right

And I can't afford to be a coward anymore

Another part of adulting is admitting when you're wrong

And doing the hard thing you need to do for yourself

For 8 years I tried to tell myself stay strong

As the guilty of what I'd done destroyed my mental health

You all know what I'm holding and what I just completed

Though hearing my own voice has never felt this strange

You were right to leave the record, you were right to give me distance

Something deep inside of me is ready now to change

This time when I listened, I only made it through half

Because with 16 answers of mine missing, I can't just listen back

It's not enough to listen back

I can't just listen back

I have to do more than listen back

It's not enough to listen back

I can't just listen back

I have to do more than listen back