Another Terrible Day

[Mr. D]

Oh, you're alive

I suppose that's good news for you

But it means a lot more paperwork for me

So don't expect me to be happy to see you

Of course, being alive is temporary

So, maybe if I go away and play pinochle for a few hours, things might improve

For me. Not for you. You'd be dead

[Percy]

(Spoken)

Where am I?

[Mr. D]

Great!

You haven't been debriefed

This is way out of my pay grade

Which is saying a lot

'Cause I don't get paid

Someone find professor hay-for-breath

And tell him Peter Johnson is awake

So he better clip-clop over here!

[Percy]

(Spoken)

It's Percy Jackson

[Mr. D]

Whatever!

Just another terrible day

At camp half-blood

Where everything's the worst

Just another terrible day

When you're in charge

It's like you're cursed

Well, technically I am cursed

One romp in the woods with zeus' favorite wood nymph

And you're stuck running a summer camp

For a bunch of needy half-bloods

[Percy]

Half-blood?

[Mr. D]

Yeah, half-God, half-mortal. Does no one watch the orientation film?

[Percy]

Did you say half-God?

[Mr. D]

Yeah. And I half-care

Who's next? Silena beauregard!

Oh, great, she's crying

[Silena]

I was walking in the strawberry fields with charlie beckendorf

And we were holding hands and everything was totally normal

And then I kissed him and all of a sudden he started growing sunflowers

Everywhere!

[Mr. D]

Look, kid

I hate to be the one to tell you

But I think that charlie beckendorf was also holding hands with a nymph

That doesn't wanna to wish you well

To tell you the truth

The best thing is to break up with the guy

'Course, who am I to give relationship advice, I'm literally the God of alcohol

[Silena]

But he loves me

[Mr. D]

He loves you not! Next!

Another terrible day

At camp half-blood

Where everything's the worst

Just another terrible day

I'm the God of wine

And I'm dying of thirst

[Percy]

(Spoken)

Wait, did you say you're a God?

[Mr. D]

Dionysus, God of wine. The gods are real. Yippy skippy

Ah, katie gardner. I see you've injured your arm

[Katie]

I fell off a pegasus (giggles)

[Mr. D]

You don't have flying lessons on thursdays, you have archery

[Katie]

Those arrows are made of wood! Wood comes from trees!

I refuse to participate in any activity that encourages

The senseless slaughter of our arboreal friends

[Mr. D]

Oh, gods

Give me ares or apollo

Anyone but the demeter kids cabin

Now that you blessed us

Go talk to hephaestus

Before I take a knife to my head and start stabbing

(Spoken)

And stay away from the pegasi! Girls and ponies

Ah, speaking of ponies

[Mr. Brunner]

Percy!

[Percy]

Mr. Brunner! What are you doing here?

This guy is saying all this crazy stuff about nymphs and gods and

What is going on?

[Mr. Brunner]

It's complicated

[Mr. D]

Oh kid

You have no idea

About this place or your former mentor

I don't have time

To fill you in on the details

But look, he's also a centaur

God!

[Chiron]

I did mean to tell you

[Mr. D]

Another terrible day

(Mr. Brunner!)

At camp half-blood

(You're a horse!)

Where everything's the worst

(What is happening?)

Another terrible day

You can hate it here

But I hated it first

Just another terrible day

Stuck with these runts

In the muck and mud

Another terrible day

Oh gods!

I need a drink

Enjoy your stay

At camp half-blood