Nickelodeon Girls

(Hello, Nickelodeon headquarters)

Hi, sorry to disturb you this late in the night

I have a serious inquiry directed toward Nickelodeon

My question is: What the fuck are you doing?

You know y’all used to have some fire bitches

When I turn on the TV I’m trying to see my favorite bitches

Zoey101? Jennette McCurdy? Oh my God

And now all you got is these preteens

Bruh, I’m not a pedo

I’m not trying to look at these little kids and get aroused

Now I can’t watch Nickelodeon with my dick in my hand anymore

Now I’m fucking upset

This is some fucking bullshit

Dan Schneider

Bring all my bitches back

I need all my bitches, I need all my bitches

The new shit you put out is wack

Dan Schneider

I’m just trying to get an erection

But now that these kids looking 13 and under

My penis will suffer

Dan fucking Schneider (Schneider)

This ain’t a fucking game, bitch

I wanna watch a sitcom

With my hand on my dick

I wanna see a titty (titty)

Not fucking kid shit

Return all the hot chicks

Or you gon get it bitch

ICarly, iCarly

I don’t care if you look like Michael Jackson

As long as you giving me action

And Freddy gon’ film the reaction

Sam gonna join in

And suck me a fat one

Nickelodeon girls

Can’t live without ’em (whew)

Ariana Grande

I know I drive a Hyundai

I can put you in a coma

Have brunch on a Sunday (fancy)

My dick put you in a coffin

All night screaming and tossing

Victoria Justice

I know you tryna touch this

Lizzie McGuire is tight

But I bet Zoey’s tighter

You can find me in her bed

Digging through that vaginer

Amanda Bynes, you a little bit crazy

But you can still have my babies (whew)

Go down like a dog with the rabies

Y’all can’t save me

Uh, a little bit of weed, hard liquor for the ladies

Got me feeling like a young Dan Schneider from the 80’s

With a Jewish law firm and an all black Mercedes

She playing with the balls like Brady (ay)

Fuck off with the shitty little kids with their stupid shit

I only wanna see the ones with a body fit

And I don’t want to be the one to be a little bitch about it

But I’m just saying what everybody is thinking (hahahahaha)

Where the titties at?

Dan Schneider why you ruining your business?

You realize I’d probably buy cable if you keep all the girls

And the ratings all stable

Cuz I ain’t tryin to see a young baby in the cradle

Cuz I’m not a pedophile

I’m not trying to see that shit (c’mon man)

The girls I have sexualized are all in their 20’s and 30’s

(Disclaimer!)

I’m not saying you should change all the bitches

But at least something after 10:30 (30!)

Dan Schneider

Bring all my bitches back

I need all my bitches, I need all my bitches

I need all my bitches back

I love you Dan Schneider, just please bring them back