A Housewife's Revenge

Feels Like That Man Took My Heart

Laid It Neatly Out Before Him On the Floor

Then He Put On the Biggest

Heaviest Winter Boots He Had

And Stomped On It For Three Hours,

Maybe Four

And I Hope His Sorrells Are Ruined Forever

Cause You Know He Knows How to Push My Every Button

Get Down to My Last Nerve

Like the Other Day He Forgot to Put His Beer Can

In the Recycling Bin

And He Meant to Do It On Purpose I'm Sure

So I Might Just Have to Tell Him

Why His Dog, Ralph, That Ran Away Three Years Ago

Won't Be Coming Home Again

Cause You Know He Walks Around the House

In His Underwear

Whenever My Girlfriends Come Around

And Perhaps If He Were Good Looking

I Might Feel a Bit Jealous, Overzealous

But All I Feel Is Embarrassed

Looking At Him Standing There

And I Hope He Never Finds His Left Slipper

And My Psychiatrist Says I Should Tell Him How I Feel

He Says, "Oh Great, I Gotta Listen to Her Snivel Again"

So I Have These Little Unfulfilled Fantasies

Of Putting Arsenic in His Teacup

We'd See Who'd Be Laughing Then

If Only He Was the Type to Drink Tea

Now I Hear Him Come Up the Driveway

In His El Camino

With Its Black With a Red-flame Firebird On Front

He Keeps the Keys to Himself

He Won't Take Me Out to the Movies

Cause of Football

So I'll Just Hold Out On Something Else

I'll Never Cook Him Another Single Hungry Man Tv Dinner Again

I Say, "Listen Man, You Better Treat Me With Some

R-e-s-p-e-c-t

Cause I Gotta a Whole Lotta What You Need

Then a Whole Lot Besides, and Then Still a Whole Lot More"

He Said, "Yeah, If You Were Talking About Your Weight

That Might Be True - But Otherwise All You Give Me Is

Headache and Heartburn"

So I Took His Hungry Man Tv Dinner and His Sorrels

So I Took His Left Slipper and His Hungry Man Tv Dinner

And I Spit On His Sorrels As I Walked Out the Door.

And I Spit On Him As I Walked Out the Door

By the Way, Your Dog Ralph Won't Be Coming Home Again