Depression

My thought patterns are composed by a time-bomb for an author

Like pigs to the slaughter

A symphony of self doubt sings out

Breath starts getting shorter

Running water

Is the state that I wish to become

Instead concrete envelopes my movement

And I am rendered deaf and dumb

Unable to heed the advice of others

Don't tell me things will get better

'Cause so far things haven't got better

I've got the sweater

Poster child bipolar adhd, therapists wet dream

I don't wanna talk about my father

I don't wanna talk about my dead friend

I don't wanna talk about myself

I'm sick of talking about my self

I'm sick of talking about my self

And realising that talking about myself never, ever helps

Still, I call for help

'Cause I really want help

But the pills didn't seem to help

And the therapists didn't seem to help

But still, I want help

I've danced with the devil in hell

I've sat in a prisonless cell

And here I always dwell

In this prison in myself

I do this thing where my mind travels back to the golden age

You know those times where you were carefree

And everything was golden? The golden age

You know those times where everything was golden?

Where you were carefree and everything was golden

The hardest thing I ever had to do

Was come to terms with the fact that

That time never really existed

I've always felt so fucking detached

And broken, bruised and mismatched

Find it hard to relax

Living under the cracks

Try to fill in the gaps

Lying here on my back

Still, I can't find it

Sense of peace, yeah?

My mind declined it

Pulse increased and my sweat combines with

A feeling so deep I fall inside it

Depression

I hate you, depression

Your constant oppression

Respond with aggression

They say depression brings you lessons

Constant stressing conceals blessings

You will grow in broken settings

Fuck those lessons, fuck depression

I've been living in your shadow for so long

That I forgot how I can shine

How I can find a refuge in my mind

How am I meant to sit here and unwind?

The planets align

I feel like I'm cursed

Feel like I'm cursed to just be here to hurt

I feel like I'm cursed just to be here to bleed with my demons

Been feeling this way since birth

Depression

I hate you, depression

I hate you, depression

I hate you, depression

I hate you, depression

I hate you, depression

I hate you, depression