Insomnia

What is it all for?

I've asked myself that question so many times now it's become more worn than my Reebok classics

I'm a slave to frivolous habits

Of introspection without any destination

Ruminating thoughts in constant rotation

Is this what it means to be conscious?

To constantly question our conscious?

Despondently fall on my back horizontally

Under my bed there are monsters

They visit me when I try to sleep

They're those thoughts that play on repeat

They say: Ren, you're always gonna suffer, Ren

You're always gonna suffer

And I boomerang between optimism and pessimism

So much that my sanctuary could be a prison

What blinds me could give me vision

And what finds me is this indecision of what to do with these questions

Is there purpose? Is there God?

And if there is God, then God

Why do I feel like this, God?

Are we not sculpted in your image?

And if so do you feel that pain?

Un-relinquishing pain like my brain got put under a Bunsen burner and torched until the membranes became flame

I hate not sleeping

I like the weekend because other people don't sleep either

Mindless TV shows irritate me, but they're my messiah

Because I can become brain dead, wasted

Lost in trails of dry saliva

(But I'm a survivor, a child of destiny)

But this night has been testing me

Question the mess that's progressing, undressing me

Stripping me naked and stuffing the stress in me

I used to use drinking as a way to stop thinking

And my problems with drinking made me feel like I was sinking

So I dried up my drink and then I couldn't sleep a wink

And now I'm thinking, now I'm thinking, now I'm thinking, now I'm thinking about nothing

Fucking nothing! And everything, and nothing

I hate not sleeping

So I lie here trying to count sheep

And their bleating's repeating

My bleeding heart, it is beating

And beating me in my sleep is the plea

And pleading for healing is fleeting

Longing for sleepless? Audibly speaking?

I weep in the sheets

It's doubling doubley, troubling subtling

It's bleak, it's so bleak, it's so bleak

And I lost my mind on a line

I hate not sleeping

I hate not sleeping