Levers

There stands a door that I was yet to consider

But the locks are all melting and the colors are convincing me

Words on the gate reading I'll make this all go away

Just walk through me to the silence, that's the music

In the valley of nothing where everyone started

Before life erased you and made you not part of it

Broke off a piece of what was silent, but eternal

And then trapped in a body we beg to return to it

Placed in the depths of an ocean, forgetting

How we belong at the surface but everyone's swimming

Towards lights at the bottom reflecting on mirrors

But I could labor no longer and float towards what everyone

Fears the eternal that's found in the shallows

But one day they will realize what I have just figured out

Here, at the bottom, it's cold and it's sort of merciless

But the water gets warmer as you float away from it

On my way to live the greatest

Life, not have one, or I'll just stick around

And see if it gets better

This decision lasts forever Seeing pictures, filled with envy

Trying to become who I used to be

It seems so far from likely

Smiling, he looks nothing like me

Levers and pulleys and spindles of wire

My limbs are all frozen and my lungs are on fire

And here in your arms I feel miles away from you

Know how it's strange, but I mean all that I'm saying, oh

Levers, and pulleys, and spindles of rope

In that perfect machine that I used to be, something broke

And then a thought so unnatural that it felt like perfection

Came and knocked on my door, and in time I just let it in

Asking me if I had heard of the surface

Where nothing goes wrong, and where no one can ever hurt you

And taking my hand it allowed me to breathe

Said that there's a way to always feel the way you feel

When you finally find your way to sleep

And then it showed me my life

How it could end, and where it started

And then it showed me the world but said I'm not a part of it

But the lonely and the hurting have a place, no one's seen it

But once I have shown you

You can't ever leave it No matter

These thoughts, and these words, so inviting

I can't say goodbye just quite yet I'll keep fighting it

People who love me would never stop hurting

From something so simple yet something so permanent

Gone into the valley where everyone started

Where smiles are worn by the hopeless and the brokenhearted

There in the light of the stars dancing quietly

Spirits at home in the warmth of eternity

Broken boy who must keep hoping

Maybe one day he will figure this out

Or things will heal in time

This breathing ghost that never died

These bits and pieces all left over

From that smiling child I used to be

I'm cold and terrified

I know there's warmth but I can't find it