Page type: lyric reference
Artist: Stephen Lynch
Canonical path: /stephen-lynch/bowling-song-almighty-malachi-professional-bowling-god
Related lyric paths: 6
Lyric guide
Bowling Song (Almighty Malachi, Professional Bowling God)
Read Bowling Song (Almighty Malachi, Professional Bowling God) lyrics by Stephen Lynch on LyroVerse, with linked artist context and related song paths.
person
Curated by Ethan Walker
LyroVerse team
Reference snapshot
The page facts to cite before the commentary
Use this page for the lyric text, linked artist context, and any LyroVerse editor's note attached to the song. Listener comments remain user-generated and should not be treated as the primary source.
Lyrics
Bowling Song (Almighty Malachi, Professional Bowling God)
The lyric stays readable and compact here; the note and related paths sit nearby so you do not lose the song while looking for context.
You watch me on your TV.
Say that my job is easy.
Say I am not athletic.
You think my sport's pathetic.
But you can't judge me 'till you've
walked a mile in my bowling shoes.
So I don't get all the ladies.
Got a mullet from the 80's
I am known throughout the valleys
As the prophet of alleys.
And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling god.
The smell of rosin gets my high.
Kiss those fuckin' pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling... bowling... god.
Got a ball that's smooth and all black.
I keep it in my favorite ball-sac.
I get a feeling in my soul.
As I finger every hole.
And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling god.
The smell of rosin gets my high.
Kiss those mother fuckin' pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling... bowling...
Not a single man will try, to beat almighty Malachi.
All who challenge me are slain.
Come on, fuckers pick a lane.
Marshall Home and Gary Dickens, get in line for your ass kickins'.
John Patracky and Norton Duke, your so lame it makes me puke.
Who amongst the pro-bowl sector.
Dares to don his wrist protector.
Not that pussy Nelson Burton, tells me that his wrist is hurtin'.
Hey Mark Walfey, Earl the Pearl, are ya' scared to give the ball a hurl?
How bout' Dickey Webber and his son Pete? I'll turn the motha fuckas to cream of wheat!
And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling god.
The smell of rosin gets my high.
Kiss those fuckin' pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling... bowling god
Yeah, the bowling god
Quick answers
What this page can answer fast
Who performs "Bowling Song (Almighty Malachi, Professional Bowling God)"?
Stephen Lynch performs "Bowling Song (Almighty Malachi, Professional Bowling God)", and this lyric page sits inside the Stephen Lynch catalog on LyroVerse.
Are there related songs to explore after "Bowling Song (Almighty Malachi, Professional Bowling God)"?
Yes. The related section below points to America and Ballad Of Scarface with a short reason for opening each page next.
Where can I find more songs by Stephen Lynch?
Use the artist link near the top of the page or the related paths section below to keep moving through Stephen Lynch's lyric pages.
Song Room
Open Song Room
Interpretations, questions, and corrections for this song
Interpretations, questions, memories, and correction notes live together here. The room stays noindex while the best insights are reviewed.
Listener comments
What people are saying
No listener comments on Bowling Song (Almighty Malachi, Professional Bowling God) yet.
A strong comment here is specific: the phrase you keep hearing, the mood you come back for, or the reason this song stays in rotation.
Sign in to post the first listener note. Reporting stays open to everyone.