12 Days of Christmas

Hey, Merry Christmas, Adam!

Merry Christmas, Fred!

Merry Christmas to everyone

Yeah man

You having a good year?

Yeah, It just feels good to be next to you here on the holidays

Hearing you say merry Christmas

It just warms my heart, man

It's like soul food, like fired okra

Dude, I'm having a great holiday this year, It's awesome

Yeah man, so you wanna sing for these people or what?

Yeah, here we go

Okay

On the first day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

A partridge in a pear tree

I don't even know what a partridge is, to be honest

A partridge is a bird

I think it's a bird that doesn't fly

Like Danny Bonaduce?

Um, no, it's -

He's ripped, ripped I'm telling you

I heard he's a little, you know, fallen on the deep end, maybe

Oh, yeah, well

He's gonna kick my ass now

No, it's against that napoleon complex, he's short

So, on the, on the second day of Christmas

My true love gave to me two turtle doves

And a partridge in a pear tree

Turtle doves?

They're nice

Do they have shells?

Uh, I don't know

But, on the third day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Three French hens

Two turtle doves

And a partridge in a pear tree

From now on can you sing

"And a Danny Bonaduce"?

[Laughs]

On the fourth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Four calling birds

Three French hens

Two turtle doves

And a Danny Bonaduce

That's good!

Yeah, yeah, it works, the syllables

Yeah, so I started to wonder

If my true love, my old lady

Was going to get me anything

Other than a bunch of birds

Yeah, they're all, like, pooping everywhere and stuff, it's gross

They're hard to clean up after

So far she got me four calling birds,

French hens, turtle doves

The French hens, which are the French hens

They're eating all your cheese

Drinking up all your wine

Like all hours of the day

I love France

So, I was wondering when

She was going to get me something good

And on the fifth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Five golden rings

Nice!

Yeah, I was finally happy

Four calling birds

Three French hens

Two turtle doves

And a par-Danny Bonaduce

So, like, with the five golden rings

That's kinda nice

Yeah, but on the sixth day

She started getting-

Like Lil Wayne

Or what's another rapper

That has like a bunch of silly jewelry?

Um, I don't know any, man

But, on the sixth day

It kinda went downhill

And the seventh cause she got me

Six geese a-laying

Geese a-laying?

Like laying down?

No, like, geese that are laying

Like, ohhh, like

That's gross

Yeah, I don't know about that

And then on the seventh day-

I often wonder how geese would go about doing that

If you're picking up what I'm putting down

I-I don't want to talk about it, man

Okay

On the seventh day?

Seventh day

Seven swans swimming

More birds!

Swimming?

I hate it

On the eight day it got really weird

Cause on the eight day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Eight maids a-milking

What?!

Yeah!

What, are they milking the geese cause they're laying?

I think they're like lactating or something

I don't get that

Yeah

I'm not into it

But, on the ninth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Nine ladies dancing

Nice! Okay, cool

Oh, well that explains the maids a-milking

No, these were like exotic dancers

Like you can see on the internet

Yeah, it was nice

There was like one of those poles and all that stuff

Yeah, but this is your old lady

That's getting you all these things

That's kinda weird

I know, but she's looking out for me, you know

Tenth day, tenth day

Okay

On the tenth day it got crazy again

Cause she gave me ten lords a -leaping

Like the dark lords?

I don't know

That's so weird

And then the eleventh day

Pipers piping

Pipers piping?

These are, by far, the strangest gifts I have ever received

I don't understand-

Wait, like, laying pipe?

No, that's the geese that are laying pipe

Oh, well maybe they're laying it with the pipers

Which would be weird all together

But, on the twelfth day of Christmas

This is the last day

My true love gave to me

Twelve drummers drumming

Everybody could use a good drummer

Yeah, I could use twelve drummers

Yeah

The Grateful Dead had two drummers

Dude, Slipknot has like ten

Yeah

Did you get to, like, choose which drummers

Or are they just studio guys?

I think they were pretty bad ass

Oh, cool

I mean, not that Mark's not

I mean, Mark's kicking some ass

Yeah

You know

Was he one of the twelve?

Um, I don't know, but

So, let's go down the list

And finish this godforsaken song off

Oh, okay

And wish everyone a very merry Christmas

Twelve drummers drumming

Eleven pipers piping

Ten lords a-leaping

Nine ladies dancing

Let's give it up for the ladies dancing

Go ladies!

Okay

Eight maids a-milking

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five golden rings

Four calling birds

Three French hens

Two turtle doves

And a Danny Bonaduce

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!