Dear Uber Driver (feat. Alaska Thunderfuck, Courtney Act & Willam)

Dear Uber driver

Here's a few things you need to know if

You wanna take this full time woman for a ride

Hurry don't be late

Meet me at the gate

Try not to hit a bunch of speed bumps

While I beat my face

I'm gonna need my light

My brows are even right?

(No)

Why you watchin' me?

Oi, eyes on the street

Now don't avert your eyes

I'm 'bout to shave my thighs

And if this tuck gets any looser

You'll see a surprise

Don't play it by the book

Go on it's fine to look

Like what you see?

That's fine have a peek

You gotta know first of all I ain't no lady

Matter fact, I'm fucking crazy

Bitch you better make that light

Go! Go! What the fuck

Dear Uber driver

Here's a few things you need to know if

You wanna take this gorgeous lady for a ride

(Um, shouldn't we be taking Lyft?)

Dear Uber driver

Lookin' at me, don't you be so nervous

Bet you never saw a pair of air bags look so fine

(I'm too pretty to die, ah!)

After the show tonight

I'll be drunk and high

So while I'm sober take the address of this Grindr guy

Wait while I get him off

You know that's never long

By the way your seats

Need Tide and Febreze

I already know I'm a queen I ain't no lady

Don't be saying nothing shady

I will read your whole damn life

Listen here you dog ass mole

Dear Uber Driver

Here's a few things you need to know if

You wanna take this pretty young thing for a ride

(This isn't a pool get out of my car)

Dear Uber driver

Don't you know you that objects in the mirror

Might be looking bigger than they do when they're inside

(Oh, it's an 8.5 surge)

We'll be stopping at the red light up ahead

Flash your junk for me and you might get fellatio

I'm not too good to try

Blowing a taxi guy

I'm just a chick

If you don't mind a dick

You got to know first of all I ain't no lady

But I'm fresher than a daisy

Wait I wanna flash that guy

(Hey, hey! Look at these)

Dear Uber driver

Here's a few things you need to know if

You want a business from a special [?]

Dear Uber driver

If you wanna get that five star rating

Get me to the gig

And make sure I arrive alive

(Click it or ticket)

Uber driver

Now you can zip your fly