Climbing Uphill

When you come home to me

I'll wear a sweeter smile

And hope that, for a while,

You'll

Okay, thank you. Thank you so much

I'm climbing uphill, daddy

Climbing uphill

I'm up ev'ry morning at six

And standing in line

With two hundred girls

Who are younger and thinner than me

Who have already been to the gym

I'm waiting five hours in line,

And watching the girls

Just coming and going

In dresses* that look just like this,

'Til my number is finally called

When I walk in the room,

There's a table of men

Always men, usually gay

Who've been sitting, like I have,

And listening all day

To two hundred girls

Belting as high as they can!

I am a good person

I'm an attractive person.

I am a talented person

Grant me grace!

When you come home

I should have told them

I was sick last week.

They're gonna think this is the way I sing

Why is the pianist playing so loud?

Should I sing louder?

I'll sing louder

Maybe I should stop and start over

I'm going to stop and start over

Why is the director staring at his crotch?

Why is that man staring at my resume?

Don't stare at my resume

I made up half my resume

Look at me

Stop looking at that, look at me

No, not at my shoes

Don't look at my shoes

I hate these fucking shoes

Why did I pick these shoes?

Why did I pick this song?

Why did I pick this career?

Why does this pianist hate me?

If I don't get a callback,

I can go to crate and barrel with mom and buy a couch

Not that I want to spend a day with mom,

But jamie needs space to write,

Since I'm obviously such a horrible

Annoying distraction to him

What's he gonna be like when we have kids?;

And once again

Why am I working so hard?

These are the people who cast

Linda blair in a musical

Jesus christ, I suck, I suck, I suck,

I suck

When fin'lly you come home

To

Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much

I will not be the girl stuck at home in the 'burbs

With the baby, the dog and the garden of herbs.

I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes

Pushing burgers and beernuts and missing the clues.

I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels

To be trotting along at the genius's heels!

I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by

And I

When you come home to me I'll wear a sweeter smile