Does it Amaze Thee?

All the ways I think I'm a man

I'm still just a boy and

Every time I think I have a plan

The road ahead gets destroyed

I'm chewing off the skin from my fingernails

Hoping some half-studied drug is gonna tip the scales

Am I just hyper-motivated or a masochist?

I'd take a tub filled with bleach over a life with this

Staring at a stucco ceiling I just can't stop

Feeling like I'm falling back on every little thought-crime

It worked out for me big time thinking on the old life

Back when I was always very thirsty

Now gaining weight and thirty

I'm getting pretty thirsty, thirsty, thirsty

If I was just crazy

We could work through things in good time, but I'm too lazy

So it's back to the couch where I find my days get hazy

Watching lives I'm thankful ain't mine

Does it amaze thee that I can be this banged up and still thrive?

Every inch of ground I think I've gained

Comes at a much steeper grade

I've lost my place for the hundredth time today

So I re-read the same page

I'm wiping off blood from my fingernails

Because I bit too much as the thought prevailed

And the words that dissolved my mental dam

Is this all I want or all I am?

I wish that I could just stop wishing I was punk rock

I hear every tick-tock

Counting down to stressing over grey hairs

Interviews at day-cares

Wishing I was still where everything was dirty clothes and knapsacks

Spot me for a six-pack

I could never go back

I will never go

Too much everything, everywhere, all the time