Jacky

And if one day I should become

A singer with a Spanish bum

Who sings for women of great virtue

I'd sing to them with a guitar

I borrowed from a coffee bar

Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you

My name would be Antonio

And all my bridges I would burn

And when I gave them some they'd know

I'd expect something in return

I'd have to get drunk every night

And talk about virility

With some old grandmother

That might be decked out like a christmas tree

And no pink elephant I'd see

Though I'd be drunk as I could be

Still I would sing my song to me

About the time they called me "Jacky"

If I could be for only an hour

If I could be for an hour every day

If I could be for just one little hour

Cute in a stupid ass way

And if I joined the social whirl

Became procurer of young girls

Then I could have my own bordellos

My record would be number one

And I'd sell records by the ton

All sung by many other fellows

My name would then be handsome Jack

And I'd sell boats of opium

Whisky that came from Twickenham

Authentic queens

And phony virgins

I'd have a bank on every finger

A finger in every country

And every country ruled by me

I'd still know where I'd want to be

Locked up inside my opium den

Surrounded by some china men

I'd sing the song that I sang then

About the time they called me "Jacky"

If I could be for only an hour

If I could be for an hour every day

If I could be for just one little hour

Cute in a stupid ass way

Now, tell me, wouldn't it be nice

That if one day in paradise

I'd sing for all the ladies up there

And they would sing along with me

And we be so happy there to be

Cos' down below is really nowhere

My name would then be "Jupiter"

Then I would know where I was going

Become all knowing

My beard so very long and flowing

If I could play deaf, dumb and blind

Because I pitied all mankind

And broke my heart to make things right

I know that every single night

When my angelic work was through

The angels and the Devil too

Could sing my childhood song to me

About the time they called me "Jacky"

If I could be for only an hour

If I could be for an hour every day

If I could be for just one little hour

Cute in a stupid ass way