The Nervous Wreck Of Edna Fitzgerald

We sailed away from Huntington Bay

and the waters were calm as could be-oh

On our new cabin cruiser, the first time we used her

'twas just the family and me-oh

And my husband stood proud in his new captain's hat

using words like ahoy there and- crap like that

So we took the kid and Cleo our cat

and set outt o conquer the sea-oh

Everyone loved it but Clee-oh

And it's yo ho over the seas

The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze

Pass me a bottle of Perrier please

This is the life for me

The tranquility three miles out to sea

suddenly came to an end-oh

when the kid started saying "No way am I staying

I'd rather be playing Nintendo-oh"

And the captain cried "Ho there, you little snot,

I paid fifty grand for this family yacht

You're going to enjoy yourself, like it or not

so you'd better learn how to pretend-oh"

(We all caught the man's innuendo-oh)

And it's yo ho over the seas

The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze

Pass me a bottle of Dramamine please

This is the life for me

My husband the captain was checking the charts

while the cruiser was burning up fu-el

And the kid threw the cat in, trolling for sharks

he called it a project for school-el

I reached down to pull the cat in by the tail

when I smelled what I held my complexion went pale

That's when I lost my lunch over the rail

The kid thought the whole thing was coo-el

Mama was not feeling too-well

And it's yo ho over the seas

The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze

Pass me a bottle of Valium please

Is this the life for me?

We ran out of fuel by mid-afternoon

and the clouds were moving in fast-er

And the captain did say, "There's no more Perrier"

which made it a total disast-er.

With hardly a warning it started to pour

and we drifted 'til we reached the New Jersey shore

(never thought I'd be glad to see Jersey before)

We started drifting in fast-er,

tried to steer the ship, but we crashed her

No more yo ho over the seas

The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze

Pass me a bottle of cyanide please

This is no life for me.

I'm back in my condo, the cruiser's a wreck

My husband is spending the insurance check

On something for dry land or I'll break his neck

'Cause this is the life for me

Yo ho