Fade

The emptiness I harboured in the questions that I asked

Was almost palpable, it tasted like the soft skin on your back

And when I said: Where did you go?”

What I meant was

Since you left, I have haven’t had the chance to hate you

Nearly half as much as I’ve hated myself

We were in love, at least that’s what I came to call it

I was never really quite sure if it was

Because in growing up the hardest lesson learned

Is just because you love someone

It doesn’t mean they love you in return

I always thought you’d fade when I buried you and me

But on our grave a bed of flowers bloomed

And now each day you grow more beautiful as I’m left to decay

I guess it’s true that some things never change

It’s been quite a long time now but I’m still so weak

I found a bliss in my ignorance until ignorance found hell in me

When I said “where did you go?”

What I meant was

“Since you left I haven’t had the chance to hate you half as much as I loved you then”

It’s been a long time now

But I still spend my nights laying away

The kind of tired that sleep wouldn’t shake

The kind of empty that fills the entire space in my chest cavity

Where I tried to keep you safe; but you escaped

It’s been quite a long time now but I’m still so weak

I found a bliss in my ignorance until ignorance found hell in me

When I said “where did you go?”

What I meant was

Since you left, I haven’t had the chance to hate you

Half as much as I loved you then