Mourning

I birthed breath to grief I couldn't understand

That knew only authenticity as my melancholy hands

Shook beneath the weight of something you had once entrusted me to hold

In growing old, I only long to be consoled

But instead I have been left as just a vessel for my aches

A crooked spine that buckled once, but never thought to heal the break

Now nostalgia comes home once a week

Drunk and delusional, slurring her speech

She talks about trying again

Slumped heavy on the frame of the door to the room where I wait

I barely said a word at all

Scared to tell you how I felt

Has my memory decayed?

I don't remember falling into love and it kills me every day

I hope I never fucking hear your name again

Carry me, lifeless and afraid, back to our bed

But truth be told it never felt like we were laying together sleeping

Only that my broken body had been crushed between your sheets

Like dead flowers between the pages of a journal you never read any more

You just flick through it when you're bored

The only time you ever call is to remind me of something that we never were

Were we anything at all?

No heaven without hell beneath

In misery without you and me

Your memory won't let me sleep

I never thought I'd be so weak

Now lonely is as lonely was, no more than a memory

I can't deny it any more, our love is dead and buried

Senseless, I've been caring for the house that we called home

Hell was loving you at all my dear

Because now I'm alone