The Bragging Song

I was born about ten thousand years ago

There ain't nuthin' in this world that I don't know

I saw peter paul and moses playin' ring-around-the-roses

And I'll whup the guy what says it isn't so

Well, I'm just a lonesome traveler, a great historical bum

Highly educated through history I have come

I built the rock of ages, it was in the year oh one

And that's about the biggest thing that man has ever done

I saw adam and eve driven from the door

I'm the guy that picked the figleaves that they wore

And from behind the bushes peepin' saw the apple they was eatin'

And I swear that I'm the one that et the core

Now I built the garden of eden, it was in the year oh two

Joined the apple-pickers union and I always paid my dues

I'm the man that signed the contract to raise the risin' sun

And that's about the biggest thing that man has ever done

I taught samson how to use his mighty hand

I showed columbus to this happy land

And for pharaoh's little kiddies I built all the pyramiddies

And to the sahara carried all the sand

Now I was strawboss on the pyramids and the tower of babel too

I opened up the ocean, let the mighty children through

I fought a million battles and I never lost a one

And that's about the biggest thing that man has ever done

I taught solomon his little abc's

I'm the first one to eat limburger cheese

And while floating down the bay with methuseleh one day

I saw his whiskers floating in the breeze

Now I fought the revolution that set this country free

It was me and a couple of indians that dumped the boston tea

I won the battle of valley forge and the battle of bully run

And that's about the biggest thing that man has ever done

Now queen elizabeth she fell in love with me

We were married in milwaukee secretly

But I got tired and shook her and ran off with general hooker

To go shootin' skeeters down in tennessee