Toxic Thoughts

I start this off staring at a blank page

An open office document

A blinking cursor, passing days

Without a single word

Some say it's absurd

Like I float along a stream of words unsaid

Choosing not to cast my net

But I spend so long questioning myself

If this isn't right

Then does that mean I failed?

Will my melodies ever live up

Will my metaphors be profound enough

Will I ever outdo myself

The ceiling gets higher and higher

It's harder and harder to shatter

And when I fall

I fall worse than I ever did before

Evaluating the damage; no, I just don't understand it

Conflicted by the very air I breathe

A love with hatred laced between

You can see it in my eyes

A child's spark light up the night

Constant search for approval, suffocated by refusal

Devouring my skull but never feeling full

Oh dear, I don't wanna be a burden

But could you please be a little more concerned with

The overactive mind of a believer

The toxic thoughts of an overachiever

Oh dear, if only you could feel it

The crippling fear of being deserted

You can't touch the heat of this fever

The toxic thoughts of an overachiever

I start this off a little confused

Writers block doesn't exist

It's not a word I'm supposed to use

Because it's all in my mind

A parasite I'm supposed to find

But sometimes

Well most times

It's so hard to define

So I pour a couple drinks

Getting drunk on gasoline

Fire pulses in my veins

I'm sick of waiting for the day

That courage overtakes my brain

For someone to say it's okay

I've lived my whole life afraid

It's time for me to be brave

To embrace a forest

That's so dark and unknown

Because no great adventurer has a paved path to roam

They pave as they go

Disappointed faces leaving poisoned bread crumb traces

I'm not taking the bait

Let them rot in their place

I deserve to be alright

I deserve to sleep at night

I'm my closest friend, I remind myself again

Better treat her well, 'cause she's with me till the end

Oh dear, I don't wanna be a burden

But could you please be a little more concerned with

The overactive mind of a believer

The toxic thoughts of an overachiever

Oh dear, if only you could feel it

The crippling fear of being deserted

You can't touch the heat of this fever

The toxic thoughts of an overachiever

Sometimes I forget the feeling

Of every single nerve tingling

Better than any lovers touch

I've created tears of pain and burns of lust

I've created a forest a safe place for myself

That others have found

Some attempt to destroy and others feed the ground

Fertilize my mind with melodies and rhymes

A sorcerer of time take you back to the night

When you pondered your death when somebody left

When you lie away broken 'cause your head is unkept

And let me remind you

That everything is temporary

You and I are temporary

And this feeling that's so scary

Someday you'll realize that thoughts so heavy

Don't mean you're unsteady

But that you're only getting ready to say nice to meet you

To somebody you never knew

You