Page type: lyric reference
Artist: Frank Zappa
Canonical path: /frank-zappa/the-illinois-enema-bandit
Related lyric paths: 6
Video embedded: yes
Lyric guide
The Illinois Enema Bandit
Read The Illinois Enema Bandit lyrics by Frank Zappa on LyroVerse, with linked artist context and related song paths.
person
Curated by Ethan Walker
LyroVerse team
Reference snapshot
The page facts to cite before the commentary
Use this page for the lyric text, linked artist context, and any LyroVerse editor's note attached to the song. Listener comments remain user-generated and should not be treated as the primary source.
Lyrics
The Illinois Enema Bandit
The lyric stays readable and compact here; the note and related paths sit nearby so you do not lose the song while looking for context.
And now folks it's time for Don Pardo to deliver
Our special Illinois enema bandit-type announcement
Take it away, Don
This is a true story
About a famous criminal
From right around chicago
This is the story of Michael Kenyon
A man who's serving time at this very moment
For the crime of armed robbery
It so happened, that at the time of the robbery
Michael, decided to give his female victims
A little enema
Apparently, there was no law against that
But his name lives on
Michael Kenyon
The Illinois enema bandit!
The Illinois enema bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women
Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up
(They'd be all bound down!)
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois enema bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla the Illinois enema bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla the Illinois enema bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla the Illinois enema bandit juice
The Illinois enema bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington Illinois
He has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
The Illinois enema bandit
One day he'll have to pay
One day he'll have to pay
The police will say: You're under arrest!
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks
And the judge would say: No poo-poo jokes!
Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see
Sayin': Don't nobody have no sympathy
Hot soap water in the first degree!
And then the bandit might say: Why is everybody looking' at me?
Well did you cause this misery?
Well did you cause this kinda misery?
Well did you cause this misery?
Now, one girl shout: Let the bandit be!
Bandit are you guilty?
Bandit are you guilty? Tell me now, what's
Your plea?
Another girl shout: Let the fiend go free!
Are you guilty? Bandit, did you do these deeds?
The bandit say, it must be just what they all needs
It must be just what they all needs
It must be just what they all needs
It must be just what they all needs
It must be just what they all needs
It must be just what they all needs
Wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna enema
Enema
Quick answers
What this page can answer fast
Who performs "The Illinois Enema Bandit"?
Frank Zappa performs "The Illinois Enema Bandit", and this lyric page sits inside the Frank Zappa catalog on LyroVerse.
Are there related songs to explore after "The Illinois Enema Bandit"?
Yes. The related section below points to Dong Work For Yuda and St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast with a short reason for opening each page next.
Where can I find more songs by Frank Zappa?
Use the artist link near the top of the page or the related paths section below to keep moving through Frank Zappa's lyric pages.
Song Room
Open Song Room
Interpretations, questions, and corrections for this song
Interpretations, questions, memories, and correction notes live together here. The room stays noindex while the best insights are reviewed.
Listener comments
What people are saying
No listener comments on The Illinois Enema Bandit yet.
A strong comment here is specific: the phrase you keep hearing, the mood you come back for, or the reason this song stays in rotation.
Sign in to post the first listener note. Reporting stays open to everyone.