Swingers’ Party

I finish work late on a Friday

When my phone vibrates with a text from my mate

He’s like “Safe, it’s the weekend, what you up to?”

I replied “Not much”, “Well there’s a night that you should come to”

It’s a new thing that I’ve only just discovered

Where everybody goes to have fun with one another

And if you’ve got a friend who wants to come then you should bring one

I asked what kind of party is it and he said “A Swing one”

I was like “What?” – I just could not believe it

When I found out the secret life that he was leading

I thought I knew this guy well, so it was quite shocking

To find out now that he’s into wife swapping

He said “Look here, don’t knock it til you’ve tried it

Come and see it for yourself and be open minded”

My first reaction was to say “Hell no!”

Then I thought “Ah, I might as well give it a go”

Coz everybody’s welcome at the Swinger’s Party

You can bring a friend to the Swinger’s Party

Or make new ones at the Swinger’s Party

We just wanna have fun at the Swinger’s Party

It’s all love here at the Swinger’s Party

You can get dressed up at the Swinger’s Party

Or get messed up at the Swinger’s Party

We just wanna have fun at the Swinger’s Party

I go home to have a quick shower and change

That’s when I realise what kind of commitment I’ve made

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been to some wild parties

But never one with a big bowl full of car keys

My mind starts racing, and my imagination

Starts conjuring up images of sordid situations

Middle aged ladies dressed in dominatrix clothes

Next to overweight men rocking baby grows

I try to shake the image out of my head

And think “What should I wear to this kind of event?”

Coz I don’t wanna come across all rude and dismissive

But I also wanna make it clear that I’m off limits

Eventually I settle on something that seems fitting

A parker jacket, wooly hat, scarf and some mittens

I step outside and close the door to my flat

Take a deep breath because now there’s no going back

I follow the directions that my mate provided

But when I arrive I find something quite surprising

Coz I’d expected some remote location

Like a homemade dungeon in someone’s basement

But it was a nightclub, illuminated

By bright lights with bass pulsating through the pavement

I thought “Damn, these Swinger types are brazen”

But what I saw inside was even more amazing

Normal looking people dancing together

In pinstripes and feathers – not fishnets and leather

Instead of perverts and ropey old slappers

It was full of dapper looking chaps and flappers

I spot the friend who invited me along

Who sees my expression, and asks me the question

“Is this what you expected?” and I say “Hardly”

“What did you think it would be like?” I replied “Don’t ask me”