Our Word

When I was a little girl

Like really little, like eight or so

I was playing in my father's study

A place in the house

I wasn't supposed to go

My father fancied himself a sailor

His study was filled with nautical decor

He kept a boat in a bottle

On the top of a shelf

And it shattered on the ground

When I slammed the door

I told my mother everything

I told her I was so, so sorry

She told me: Don't cry

When he comes home tonight

We can make everything okay

This is all we have to say

We don't remember a boat in a bottle

It must've fallen off its shelf alone

We know you loved it, we're so sad it's broken

But neither one of us was even home

And it's our word

Yes, our word

Against his

So I hid screw-ups from my father

Made up school awards to please my mom

Whatever made the steak taste better

Whatever kept the waters calm

I was told to keep their secrets

And in turn, they'd keep mine

As I got older, I got dumber

I couldn't help but cross the line

Three times I nearly wrecked my life

Three times I nearly came to ruin

Three times went crying to my parents

Who said they'd make it go away

Yes, this is all we had to say

We never rented a house in Sedona

We didn't see Camille the day she died

We haven't been on our boat

In some years now

So we don't care what you found inside

And it's our word

Yes, our word

It's our word

Yes, our word

Against theirs

Somebody was paid

To make it go away

Everyone was paid

To make the problems go away

Doesn't matter who gets screwed

Or who is blamed

Do what you need to do

To clear your name

An inconvenient truth

Can be easily erased

When I was 26

I was living in New York

I developed some fun habits

Put my white blood cells to work

I remember it so clearly

I was home alone on a Tuesday night

To level out, I'd popped some downers

But couldn't seem to get my mind right

I drew a bath and slipped into it

And suddenly became aware

I couldn't keep my head above water

I took a final gasp of air

And as I laid there helplessly

A million different thoughts came to me

I saw my parents hearing the news

Your only daughter drowned today

I thought about what they might say

Our daughter, Judith?

No, she moved to Austin

She's very happy there, or so we hear

She's always been so goddamned independent

The years go by, and now we barely see her

Our daughter, Judith?

You must be mistaken

You mean the girl we raised as if our own?

We loved her so much, she felt like our child

But eventually we had to send her home

It'd be their word

Only their word

It'd be their word

Only their word

On its own