Mr. Safety's Bowling Alley

Wouldn't it be nice if there was a place

To lose the weight of the world and put a smile on your face?

Have the time of your life

Bring the kids and the wife

And you never have to worry 'bout death or blunt-force trauma

Go to Mr. Safety's Bowling Alley

Mr. Safety's Bowling Alley

He's made a change or two

Now it's safer for me and you

Because what else would a responsible adult do

At Mr. Safety's Bowling Alley

The first thing that you notice when you walk in the door

The pins are made out of Nerf, and they're nailed to the floor

And with your rental shoes

You also choose

A set of knee pads, shoulder pads

Elbow pads, shin guards

Chest protector, face mask

Codpiece and a helmet

Down at Mr. Safety's Bowling Alley

Mr. Safety's Bowling Alley

The square balls might not roll

And they have handles instead of holes

But having lots of fun is not the primary goal

At Mr. Safety's Bowling Alley

You can only bowl three frames every hour

To guard against carpal tunnel

They still have Rock-n-Bowl, but not at the same time

To guard against fire, he took out the fryer

And there is no food you can eat with your hands

But you can have all of the beer that you want

When you get home

From Mr. Safety's Bowling Alley

Mr. Safety's Bowling Alley

Free earplugs to deaden the sound

And the balls only weigh three pounds

But there's a Starbucks inbetween every single lane

At Mr. Safety's Bowling Alley

And a brand-new, state-of-the-art digital scoring system

But we can't figure out how to use it

Right next door to Chick McGee's Pocket-Pool Hall

Mr. Safety's Bowling Alley