Ten Finger Johnny

Ten-Finger Johnny, on the first day of July

He loved the season's grand displays of fireworks in the sky

(Way, hey, toora loora lay)

And so he drove across the state line to the fireworks stand

He came back with a string of firecrackers in his hand

He struck a match, and lit them up, and everybody ran

Except for Johnny

(Way, hey, boom, and up she goes)

Six-Finger Johnny, on the second of July

And his need for large explosions still had not run dry

(Way, hey, toora loora lay)

So he went walking down Main Street with two M-80s he had found

And set them off in the gazebo at the center of the town

And when the fuse began to sputter, no one stood around

Except for Johnny

(Way, hey, boom, and up she goes)

Three-Finger Johnny, on the third day of July

Jonesing for the ultimate in pyrotechnic highs

(Way, hey, toora loora lay)

He tied a brick of Johnny Rebs onto a model plane

And then he doused the whole shebang in 93 octane

It flew straight up, and straight back down, but nobody was maimed

Except for Johnny

(Way, hey, boom, and up she goes)

One-point-five Limb Johnny, on the fourth day of July

Hopped to the construction site to give it one last try

(Way, hey, toora loora lay)

Inside the foreman's trailer was a case of dynamite

Johnny held a Zippo 'tween his toes and set it burning bright

The foreman saw the sparks begin, and everyone took flight

Except for Johnny

(Way, hey, boom, and up she goes)

They buried Johnny on the fifth day of July

And everyone in town turned out to say their last goodbye

(Way, hey, toora loora lay)

And though they knew he was a moron, no one could dispute

The depth of Johnny's dedication to his life's pursuit

And sixty-seven Roman candles fired off in salute

To the sixty-seven pieces left of Johnny

(Way, hey, boom, and up she goes)