That's the News of the Week

Bob and Tom said, "Guys, write a song

About the news ot the week"

But I live in Philadelphia

I live in Washington, DC

So I record my part, then send it to you

And I record mine when you're done

We'll make do, we're best friends, me and you

So let's check the news and have some fun

Did you see that little Sascha Cohen didn't quite win the gold

I guess I could just sing anything and you would never know

Instead of bein' the queen of the rink

I'm wearing my underwear as a hat

And lettin' the boys swing free, my friends

And that's the news of the week

Did you hear, those meatpackers from Nebraska won the big Powerball?

This is great; good thing I'm second I think I'll screw with Paul some more

I bet the day after they won that dough

Paul keeps his porn in his sock drawer

And wet his bed until age 23

And that's the news of the week

Did you hear about that Arab nation trying to buy a bunch of U.S. ports?

This verse sucks, and I refuse to sing it

Now when the dockworkers unload the boats

[silence]

And that's the news of the week

Did you hear-it's time to start spring training! Basball's almost here

I think I'll go find naked pictures of Kristi on the Internet

The last time I saw balls move that fast

Speaking of catchers-how's it goin', Chick?

And that's the news of the week

Tom Griswold thinks cursive writing is stupid

And that's the news of the week

The other day I killed a hobo with a hammer

And that's the news of the week