I Don't Like Old People

Wanna know what makes me mad?

People older than seventy

They're always like

"Eh back in my day the year was 1903"

They say they know everything

But they can't do shit without your help

"You kids with your sort-sleeve shirts

Eh, I just crapped myself..."

Old ass grandpas all sit outside

"Ahh"

And bitch about how shit used

To cost a dime

"It cost uh"

They run us over

Why can't they drive?

"Well, back in my day

Negroes gave us piggy-back

Rides"

I just don't like old people

'Cause they want everyone to

Wipe their butts

"Wait there's more!"

Old people are fucking dumb

They always want to you tell about

The war

"Back in the war, uphill both ways"

Old people won't never be quiet

Well, I guess they will when they die

Because they got alzheimers and

Cancer

"Well, at least I don't have alzheimers"

They drive those high-tech scooters

And they can't work cell-phones

Or computers

We gotta stand in line all day

At the self-checkout

Because they think its magic

Old ass white boys

Think that they're smart

"Huh I invented the wheel and fire and farts"

They're all good christians

"'Cause I knew christ"

They need him now, because...

"I'm deaf and blind"

Old people, get off the road!

Why don't y'all

Ever flush the toilet bowl

"Eh how do I work this thing?"

And the pope is as old as dirt

And he lets people

Touch young little boys

"Eh guess who's got some candy?"

I dont like old geezers, they think that

"Russian people did that 9/11 day"

They spend their life on the porch smoking their pipe

And calling everyone else lazy

You wanna know why I really hate them?

Because their gonna die soon, so I get attached, ya know?

Let's take grandpa out on the boat one last time and drop him off

To swim off peacefully into the night

Here you go, gramps

Ah, grandpa sure did love the ocean

That's the way he would've wanted it

Ya know? I can still hear his voice

I sure am gonna miss that old faggot!

Fuck them old people (cause they all)

Take a dump in their diapers

"There's my raisin bran!"

Old people like apple-sauce

And they all

Call coca-cola, soda pop

"Eh don't drink too much soda pop"

Old people belong in a

Old age home

They're too old to live with u

"But I built this house!"

Old people are dumb as fuck

All their teeth fall out

When they chew apples

"Where they go?"

"Eh what's with all these sports you play these days?

Ski that's a sport

If not for the hill, they'd be standing still there

Uhh

All these channels you have on your television

Back in my day, the radio had two channels

On and off