Sonic's Best Pal

Hey kids, would you like to hear a fun story about sonic and tails?

Kids: Eat a dick!

Great! Here we go!

Sonic the hedgehog, hero to all

When the world needed saving, he would answer the call

His little friend tails was part of the team

But he was shitty and small, and had low self esteem

So when they gathered all the chaos emeralds

Tails stole them and put em under his genitals

He pawned them all in spending spree

For his crippling addiction to pcp

"Come on" sonic said, "let's go collect rings

And run through the meadow and jump on springs

We'll laugh and we'll play all day and all night

Why, your eyes are red, tails, are you feeling alright?"

Tails: Yo, fuck your rings, sonic, it's time to get real

I wanna kill a motherfucker just to see how it feels

If you dare to come at me, you better come at me strong

I'll break your sorry-ass legs if you look at me wrong

I'm tails the fox, you little bitch, and I'm on the attack

My endocrine system is fucking riddled with crack

Now I've got hallucinations that are out of control

And I can taste colors, and I'm gonna skull fuck your soul "

Sonic: Hey tails, we've got fun times in store

What's the first thing you'd like to do today?

Tails: Whores

Ha, you're funny, we'll have a great time

There are lakes to swim in and mountains to

Tails: Whores

So, sonic and blaze played a game of lacrosse

While tails slammed a bunch of sluts like a boss

He was about to bust nuts all up in a ho

When robotnik showed up

Tails: Aw hell no

Tails knew he must defend the whole city

So he stopped doing blow off the hooker's stank titties

Sonic said "robotnik you gosh darn clown

I'm gonna jump on you until you fall down"

Tails: Hey stand the fuck back, I've got a better solution

It's time for old school, street justice death execution

Robo-bitch, here's some motherfucking caps for your head

Blaow blaow, now that egg-shaped cocksucker's dead

I'm tails the fox, do I have to fucking say it again

I am exploding with evil that you cannot comprehend

I just committed a murder, but there is no time to rest

Let's get our friends over, have a giant forest fuck fest

Sonic was too traumatized to reply

It was the first time he'd ever seen another man die

But it wasn't the last

Tails made sure of that

When he broke big's spine and wore his ass as a hat

Tails the fox, his mind is blown

And he'll kick you right in your special zone

I think I'm gonna call the cops on him

But he will never know about it

Tails: Oh fuck! [gunshots]