The Simple Plot of Final Fantasy VII

Hello, and welcome to Talking Video Games

Today's subject is games with simple plots

I'd like to welcome our guests

Would each of you please say who you are, and give a brief summary of the plot of your game?

Yes, hello, my name is Pac-Man and I eat dots and fruit

My name's Donkey Kong, I throw barrels at a guy

Hi, I'm Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy 7

My game's plot is pretty simple

It goes like this

I was a mercenary working for the Avalanche gang

Awesome eco-terrorists who you'd probably wanna bang

I got trapped in a reactor shortly after my last raid

And got shot into a slum where I could have gotten SQUAIDS

That's squirrel aids, for anyone who's wondering at home

Anyway, I met a girl inside the Midgar zone

Her name was Aerith and I soon became her bodyguard

She knew how to work a staff, and she made my body hard

Okay Cloud, this is getting complex

So we're gonna move on to one of our other guests

I knew that Aerith was a Cetra

Excuse me I was singing

She could lead us to a promised land where energy was springing

I went to rescue her, but I was captured and detained (Um)

There I met Red XIII a talking lion with a mane (Cloud)

The president of Shinra was shot by Sephiroth

A super-evil-Jenova-style-monster-clone-jerkoff (Hey)

We learned about Jenova, got our things, and then departed (Wait, I'm totally confused)

I haven't even gotten started

We met Cait Sith, as well as Vincent, Cid and Yuffie

We had gotten very tired and my balls were kind of poofy

So Aerith let us rest, her tired ass continued on

Until Sephiroth killed her and then she turned into a swan (What?)

Wait, that didn't happen, sorry, let me get rebooted

This is sort of where the plot gets a little convoluted

An earthquake happened

then it started snowing like December

Then some other shit went down that I don't seem to remember

You're using up the whole show, Cloud, please take a rest

So let's hear from one of our many other fine guests

Q*bert, what's your game about?

I jump on blocks

And you, Asteroid ship?

I blow up rocks

Back to my story, Sephiroth was casting spells

To make a giant meteor and blow Gaia to Hell

[Danny] Wait, that doesn't make sense, how on earth would you know

[Ego] Shut your stupid, French mouth

no one asked you, Glass Joe. God!

I'm so sorry

I'm gonna cut your story short

your plot is way too frigging crazy

And we've got one more guest we need to meet

(And here he is now)

Hi, my name is Frogger, and I try to cross the street

Fuck you, Frogger, I killed Hojo, and I went to the Planet's core

Sit down, Ninja Gaiden, I'm not done, you stupid whore

We defeated Sephiroth who was now in godlike form

And cast a Holy spell to stop the asteroid storm

The Lifestream stopped the meteor

the whole planet was saved

After hearing that plot, I think I have to go shave

You got something to say, Dig Dug?

You wanna fucking go

Wait why's this hose in my ass, oh Jesus, God no