Sloth (Lament Of The Three Toed Sloth)

I used to be quite active in high school

Back when my metabolic rate was faster

I was always quite stocky

But i was pretty good at hockey

I avoided white bread, potatoes and pasta

I used to be an average mammal

I was no jesse owens but i wasn't john candy

I was never that attractive

But i was reasonably active

I sure wasn't synonymous with lazy

I don't think i'm that apathetic

I'll admit i'm not particularly ambitious

But the fact that on the ground

I don't break the speed of sound

Is typical of megalonychidae choloepus

Oh god, were you really being fair

When you named the land animals and birds of the air

Did you stop to think: "that's a bit rough"

Naming that poor little fella a sloth?

Pigeonholing should be left for pigeons

And frankly i'm starting to get sick

Of being labelled by the number of my toes

And the fact that on the ground i'm not that quick

I can't think of any other creatures around

Who are forced to share their name with a sin

There's a pride of lions sure, but that's a collective noun

They don't have a greed or a lust at the singapore zoo

And tim roth isn't spelt with a w

And just in case i wasn't disadvantaged enough

You blessed me with only three toes

That are actually too claw like to grab on to stuff

And this simian face and this damn ursine nose to top it off

Oh, and then you went and called me a sloth

Lord, i have always done my best

This cross that i bear has put hair on my chest

And with the three claws that you gave me

I've clawed my way up to the top of the tree

But up here i'm tired and i'm lonely as well

I've got few slothy friends and no slothy girl

It's really quite tough

Being a three toed sloth

In this five fingered hustle bustle world