Masochist

[Verse 1]

Everything happens for a reason

And my reason to be's to see shit happen for a reason - One event to the next

It's like I'm stuck at the box office with every second my clock tosses

Into my face, smacked with a case of fate wasted and lost causes

I've been mocked and accosted, to the point that I got nauseous

Though my flow's been plugged enough to stop faucets

I've thought often about tossing this awesome gift to the wind

And start crossing over to sin with this intention to blend that I get from within

I've protected my skin with a thin layer of pride and showmanship

But both my coats are ripped and I can't seem to decide on clothes that fit

Supposing this rap shit actually pays off, I'm wondering if it'll all be worth it

Cause this is what everyone in my life has ever been hurt with

This curse, this evil urge I feel for verses

Is one of my life's real perversions

I seal my curtains when I write, I feel disturbance from the light

I deal with dirt and yet I want to heal the earth and peel the surface to reveal it's perfect

And words I wield with purpose, and yet nobody follows the plot

They rather hear me rock off of the top

There's pitfalls in my socks, so I walk with caution

Somebody halt the auction! Cause my soul's on sale, and I thought I lost it

[Chorus x2]

If I gotta fight for the rest of my life

Then I'm gon' turn the other cheek (yeah)

Cause I hate the way you hurt me

But I can't get enough of your love

[Verse 2]

And who the hell am I supposed to be?

A holy priest holding a rosary? Some type of bold stoic Moses of poetry?

Should I be holding heat to pose for the streets

A total phoney? If I said my name was 'Tony' would you know it's me?

Supposedly, T-O-N-E flow with ease over these bolder beats

But the flow's too cheap to pay for groceries

And in the throws of grief I choke and breathe

Loaded with my parents hopes and dreams, yet I don't know if we both believe

I scope the scene, and I'm watching these bills build up

I'm nice with a day-job, these niggaz write all day and still suck

And yet they fill clubs, sell a trillion and feel sluts

I kill dubs, but I don't have the mills to pay for real pub

My chilled love melts on occasion

Cause brainwashed niggaz only feelin' my track if Clue or Flex will play it

Who you expect to say this shit if I don't?

What? Cause I don't wanna be extorted by some cat who lets cash determine his playlists

I'm searching for ways in, but entrances are sparse when you're hard to market

Fuck art, cause thugs aren't the smartest targets

And I'm not abstract enough, so it seems backpackers are acting up

And I thought it was half the battle, just to have the love

And pack a truckload of skills, politics are ill and yo, it's real

It seems I'm cruising, and they're still using these crooked stones for wheels

And when you know the deal, it doesn't evoke the most appeal

Like stolen Kosher Meals, lemme propose a toast to heal

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]

I've sacrificed so many facets of life, just to achieve this

From Love & definitive reason, to trust in agreements

My family suffered a grievance when we discussed I was leaving

Seeming substituted for tunnel vision and it probably crushed all their feelings

There's something appeasing in the corruption of demons

Feeding me vehemently lustful delusions of bucks from succeeding

But times up, months it's exceeded

Peeling the scabs off of cuts that are bleeding

knowing I ain't had it as tough as Jesus

This shit doesn't compete or even touches what he did

But, will I be signed by 33? Cause my teens were fucking depleted

Blessed with a gift, equipped to assist in the destruction of heathens

But, please, would god really want me snuffing emcees, then? (Ha)

I must be conceited, right?

Well, I'm balanced out by the lack of self-esteem

I've felt since I've learned how to read & write

Overcompensation spelled relief when the rhyme schemes are tight

Then I feel the weight of a cheapened life when 5,000 people die

(SOB! SOB!) Feel bad for the rap artist?

But pour your soul into something for responses that's half-hearted

Terminate relationships on the basis of past hardships

And then you'll see why every review's like another line on my scarred wrist

This light-hearted voice becomes jailed by the darkness

It's impossible to trap my lips, when I have to spit

I try to swim away, but I keep getting dragged back in this

Come to find my arms automatically swimming backwards, Cause I'm a Masochist

[Outro x3]

If I gotta fight for the rest of my life

Then I'm gon' turn the other cheek (yeah)

Cause I hate the way you hurt me

But I can't get enough of your love