Spectral Life Scars

Being too honest with my inner feelings:

It all began at the age of innocence

When beauty around me mesmerized my every senses

In a time where curiosity prevailed

And where I wondered how splendid it would all become

Fragile happiness of the lighthearted

Weightless, sparkling with unfoldment, sheltered

Passionated with blooming hopes of artlessness

Early on I started feeling disquieted when surrounded

Not as if I had something uncommon or dysfunctional

But because I didn't seem to correspond to any acting role

I wasn't able to deal with the predefine or unalterable

So I would rarely share my inner sanctum with any outsider

And that's why I start sinking into dreams

I still vividly remember how easily I was distracted from physical world

I carried on, trying to figure what was wrong

Nothing seemed to explain or sooth the angst

Like if I had been born cursed of heart in an alien world

Many times I have found myself studying those of my kind

And so on, I mimicked their habits to be left alone

Experiences weren't strong enough to support my toughs

So I left everything and let myself fall inside:

That's when negativity and darkness started pouring in

A storm of twisted hateful toughs started inhabiting my life

I craved vengeance and obscure forces around me

That's where I first skimmed the potential of solitude and bereavement

This unearthly feeling which had materialized

Through shades of vicious self-violation

I had roused at that point something I couldn't even harness

Much as happened since then, perspective morphed, darkness coalesced

I don't think I was part of evil

But maybe the purest lightsource, wasted

By a darkness so easily re-creatable through deceived hopes

This slab of existence might sound exacerbate or epic in retrospect from far away

But if you were part in any way in this nightmare, don't ever cross my path again.