The First Song We Ever Wrote

Oh Baby (Oh Yeah)

This is a song for the ladies

(Ladies song tonight)

And I've been gay most of my life

(Gay a long time)

But I think I'm gonna make

An exception for you baby

(He'll probably still be gay after this)

I will cheat on you with other men

(Gay Sex)

But baby--

(LOTS OF GAY SEX!)

You'll be the only girl for me

(gay sex)

Do remember the first time we met?

(first time we met)

I was digging through the trash and you thought I was a homeless person

(Hobo in the trash)

But baby

(baby)

I just like dirty things

And baby

I like you

(heh, he likes you)

I can remember the first time i made sweet, sweet love

(making love to you)

It was to a shimmering Rainbow Trout

(making love to a trout)

It was the first fish I'd ever caught, coincidentally

It felt good, cause it had no teeth

(gummy trout)

I like no teeth

And baby

Thats why we were

Meant for each other

I don't care that you've

Been dead for 2 years

(dead a long time)

You still have that soft

Smile on your face

(oooh child)

That says Please Baby, Put down a goat, Daddy's gonna take you home

(taking you home)

I dont know what that means

I think it means I have herpes

Turtledoves and pigeons feet

Salamanders and old lunch meat

And I love you

The cardboard box that I ate through

Naked little boys in the locker room

Whoa

And I love you

Baby, I'd like to dress you up

Like an Ice Cream cone

And put salmon down your skirt

(salmon down ya skirt)

But not live salmon

Cause baby

Sometimes they bite

(PISSED OFF SALMON IN THE PANTS!)

I'd like to put a carrot down your pants

And cover you with Ranch Dressing

(creamy, low-fat)

Some people would think its man juice

But I would think it's sexy

(sexy, oohh yeah)

If love were a disease

Baby, I'd have gohnorrea

(gohnorrea)

Gohnorrea for you, baby

And though all the

Tests have been postive

Im pretty sure I don't have rabies

I bite school children by choice

(choosing biting kids)

And baby

I choose you

You know its funny how stale Jell-o reminds me of you

(I can insert random stuff here)

Funky and jiggley in the wind

(i have a penis)

Squishy like the hot flesh of your corpse

(Oooh Hot flesh-a!)

And most corpses are stiff

I would know

But not you, baby

Your special, like free ketchup packets

Ostriches and midget porn

Vaccinations and plastic corn

And I love you

(I'm loving you sweet child!)(WAA!)

Plastic whips and leather shoes

Hepititas and Elmers glue

And I love you

Ohh baby

You make me so hot

And I don't understand

Your about 20 degrees temperature