Lose One Friend

Watching muscles ache

From the stress in your back

Waiting for bones to break

From the weight of what you lack

I would spend all my time helping you find truth

And it really cuts like a knife knowing I can't save you

Because saying goodbye hurts the worst

When you know it's the final word

It comes across like a curse and

I can't believe you said it first

So now the final word on the final page

Of the final chapter of this narrative we made

Is my weak conscious whispering words through my mouth

The very words I prayed would never come out

I kept clinging onto the past and

Hoped the future would be the same

We would cry and laugh knowing the past would not remain

And I would argue with God

Every night I would lie awake

And lie to myself, hoping all of this was fake

Because I got a new perspective on general anesthetics

When you finally went to see Jesus,

And all your family learned how to believe in a void

Because that's all that they could see in us

Cigarette smoke and broken words

My heard became the platform

For everything they hated the most

And I stayed clear of the lack

Hoping somebody would come by and cut this rope

Your apartment got so empty when you

Moved to that city with the streets of gold

And I know what you meant when you said

This room can grow so terribly cold

And I wrestled with the idea of taking your place

But I know that if anyone deserves

A break from this world of pain

It's you, it's not me

And I'm still asleep

It's not about being there for me

It's about respecting me enough

To tell me why you're not.

So I'll just slip back into my sleep

There's a demon in my casket and

I think that we've fallen in love

And most nights, I wish it was you