Nothing Was The Same

I chose to believe every word I was fed

And I thought the coals on my back were a product

Of the lack you left when you stepped back

And racked your brain for a reason to stay

But you could not seem to formulate any such thought in your head

So you left with nothing more than a reason you kept silent

And my mind would riot stuck in self-perpetuated mental violence

And dreams kept private

The ambition to fix this wish list of selfish misfit realist missions

Contained within a vision of wishful thinking

And sinking deep into a new bit of

Misproportioned emotions leaking through a seeping truth

Constructed by my need to feel important

When you would look back and think

Of all the little things that you regret

I just wanted you to think of me when you think back

To all those little things that you regret

I spent so much time convincing myself that the rest of this mess

That I stressed within this relationship was a product of the world’s oppressions

Not my deep desire to be needed

And it’s hard to admit but I guess I’ve come to terms with the fact

That I just want to be needed

And I convinced myself that I needed to be needed

And if that was true, I would still be smiling

Like you still today but for different reasons

I chose to dismiss the possible instance

That the lips I love to kiss could form the words goodbye

And it was a simple lie but I told it to you

And like the captain of a sinking ship choosing to believe

The bottom of the ocean was a better source of oxygen

It’s so nice and I still chose to believe I misinterpreted your dialect

And everything you said about it

Your diction, your diatribe, posture, body language and connotations

All pointed in the same direction

The selection of contingent messages postponed until further notice

Because I was ashamed to admit the problem

And pretend your happiness came from me

And that your happiness was important

But we aborted the sorted truths we once distorted

When I saw the shape of your dress when you wore it

And that was enough until it wasn’t

And that’s when you finally felt supported

So the others courted you and you mentally recorded

And endorsed the force perform of compliments you received came in

And you felt empowered enough to take your final bow

And find love within the arms of another instead of this heart of mine

And that’s fine because I would do the same

And I would leave me. Not because I’m useless

And not because I’m broken

Not because I’m sad and not because I’m worthless

But because I saw value in your smile but not in your values

And I’m sorry, and I love you

And that’s why I can finally sleep at night

Because you are free and you can thrive

And I’m just happy I got to be a part of your life

I’m just happy I got to be a part of the journey

That you call your life

And I finally feel fine because I spent so long trying

To change you, not realizing I was the one who needed to change

I was selfish to assume you loved me more than you love yourself

Even though I never felt the same. And there’s so many things

That my selfishness tried to take away but you were the one

That was the hardest to watch walk away

But thank you for letting me be a part of everything

You were building and creating and finding truth and life

And you were relating so much beauty, and I love you, and I’m sorry

Thank you for letting me be a part of your journey

Thank you for letting me be me

And thank you for setting me free

And showing me love in its full capacity

Thank you for letting me be a part of your journey

Thank you for letting me be me

Thank you for setting me free and showing me love in its full capacity